Tell It Like It Is

Announcers bridge the gap between players and spectators. They tell us which skaters are jamming, which team just called a time out, what the score is, and who's in the penalty box. They also explain the game for derby virgins, give the sponsors some airtime, and amuse us with their antics during lulls in the action.

In researching this post, Flocci discovered that there's an Association of Flat Track Derby Announcers, and her top three announcers¹ are all members. AFTDA's mission statement and code of conduct cover the basics of good announcing (don't show up drunk, know the rules, don't interfere with the refs, etc.), but there are a few other things that separate the good from the bad.

First off, know your terminology. We went to a bout recently where one of the announcers used "power play" to mean "power jam," and Flocci just about twitched herself into a seizure. An announcer should also know the skaters' names and numbers (not just from the bout program) and be able to identify them fairly quickly. We've seen announcers talk to every skater before a bout to make sure they get the names and numbers right, and to learn taglines that might not have made it into the pre-bout paperwork. This makes it much easier to call the game, which, in turn, means the audience gets a smoother play-by-play.

Learning how to make do with a sub-par sound system is another mark of the good announcer. If you find during your sound check that the only way the audience can hear you is if you hold the mic a foot away from your face and stand precisely seventeen feet from the amp, then that's what you need to do. If we can't hear you, there's no point in you being there at all.

Lastly, have some class. You can be silly and weird, but be professional, too. We want to laugh with you, not at you. (When Rock Thudson wore that fringed belly shirt, it was a little of both.)


¹ Rock Thudson, Candy Corn-ary, and Pelvis Costello, in case y'all were wondering.

Earn Your Stripes

Let's talk about zebras. Officially, it's the refs' job to monitor the game, call penalties, determine when points are scored, and generally make sure everything goes smoothly. For those of us in the bleachers, though, they also serve another role. They let us know what's going on.

We've seen some mighty good zebras. Doomsday and Ethyl Benzene of GMDD, for example, are excellent at watching the pack, making calls clear, and letting the announcers know things that the spectators want to know, like why play has stopped.

Other refs we've seen lately haven't lived up to that standard. They'll send someone to the box without showing why, they'll miss obvious penalties right in front of them, they'll miscount a score at the end of a jam because they weren't paying attention to their own jammer, and all of this results in a frustrating bout, both for the skaters and for the spectators.

So zebras, here's our wish list:

1. When you send a skater to the box, don't just tell her why, tell the rest of us, too. Make the symbol clear, and repeat it.

2. Don't get so distracted watching specific players that you lose track of the pack as a whole. The most common thing we find ourselves screaming from the bleachers is, "no pack!"

3. If your jammer got through the pack first but isn't lead jammer, tell us why. If she's second out of the pack, be aware of the other jammer's status so you can quickly indicate whether your jammer is lead or not.

4. Be aware that different teams interpret the "she calls off the jam by repeatedly placing both hands on her hips" rule differently, and don't fault a player for doing it in a way you're not used to. She may not bring her hands all the way up to her shoulders, for example, and she doesn't have to. All she has to do is tap her hips. It's up to you to watch for it and end the jam in a timely fashion.

5. Don't play favorites or take a player's word on a call you didn't witness. The corollary to that is: pay attention, don't miss penalties, and don't let "your" skaters get away with anything.

Reffing is hard work, and we've seen some of our favorite zebras make bad calls or miss an illegal block now and then, but as long as you're clear about the calls you make and pay attention to the action, you'll make the game more enjoyable for everyone.

Hello, world.

Testing, 1, 2, 3.